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Dec. 22nd, 2009

NU - no flirting

Wishing to be the friction in your jeans

I am frustrated because I a) can't find the fiber fill, b) don't want to make any more effing cupcake bottoms, at least not until I can get to JoAnn's and maybe get a better worsted weight for the red velvet ones, c) don't have the right colors for frosting anyway, and d) I'm ansty and want to make stuff, but see a-c. Blargh.

Why is my genius riddled with such drama?! >/ I R DISAPPOINT.

I guess I could start on something else, but ugh, my GENIUS! It's annoying to see it but not be able to work on it.

So instead I'm playing on Facebook. Dissatisfying. :(

Oh, and I'd work on my spinning, but it's hard to do anything that active and concentrate-y with dogs about. Huffffffff.

Dec. 4th, 2009

Me - mirror

(no subject)

"What's up? You look like you swallowed a bug or something."

"Well, my friend just died. Car crash. Drunk driver."

*defensive* "I didn't know!"

Well, you should have. "I posted on facebook."

"I haven't been on facebook!"

Yes you were. You replied to my very next post. With, and I quote, "wtf did i miss". "Right, cause you don't have internet anymore."

*quiet* "Um, okay." *turns and starts walking away*

"You didn't have to know, but I'm telling you now." *trying to salvage it*


And then? Then she texted Heather and asked if I'd been snippy with her, too (Heather told me this, along with a "you two should talk soon"). You know what? I'm fucking tired of self-involved assholes who are supposed to be my friends. I was there for her when she was dealing with her sister having cancer (the sister's okay now, just finished chemo about two weeks ago, whew), and when she was dealing with stupid fucking boy drama, and when she needed someone to cry to because she was feeling like everything was her fault. I'm crocheting her a scarf, for crying out loud.

And now I'm being fucking snippy? I'm so mad. And just... fucking tired of catering to her. I like having her as a friend, but I'm not going to apologize for acting like this right now. Maybe some other time, sure, but I think I get some fucking leeway considering the circumstances. Snippy. What the fuck does that even mean?! "My friend is dead." OH SNAP. Bitch just got told? Bullshit.

I'm so angry. And so fucking glad that I don't have to deal with any of that tomorrow. We do work together almost the whole day on Sunday, so I guess we'll just see.

I'm getting my hair done tomorrow at 11 (is that disrespectful? I don't know... grooming shouldn't be considered disrespect for the dead, right?), and then I'm going to the funeral with Professor Swank at 3. Then... I don't know. I'm hoping that I'll have the sense to stay out, not go home and let all this feeling consume me. Maybe go shopping, deal with some of the other crap in my life. I don't know.

Dec. 3rd, 2009

Lab - mornings of gold

(no subject)

Don't give up on meCollapse )

Thank you.

Dec. 1st, 2009

LU - reflection

12 steps to feeling real again

Step 1) take a shower.

Step 2) leave the house.

I can do this.

ETA: Showering was easy. Leaving the house is much harder.

ETA2: I did it. I went to my knitting/crochet group. I didn't talk much, but I crocheted like crazy and listened to lots of old lady gossip. I laughed. I even got dinner at Carl's Jr, cause eating is supposed to be like, one of those things you do regularly, or so I hear. You know.


Thanks for being my cheerleaders, guys. ♥ I needed that.

Nov. 30th, 2009

Gaga - angst


It's real.

Nov. 29th, 2009

Nept - Angel

(no subject)

Angela was killed by a drunk driver last night.

I don't even know how that's possible. She was 25.

Holy shit. I don't know how to react, aside from the crying.
Lab - heart beat

caught in a bad romance

I figure it isn't technically rejection unless you feel the urge to consume large quantities of frozen foodstuffs. So far, so good.

Lol I knew it would happen sooner or later anyway, it's better that it was sooner.

Apparently he's going to be working, just... constantly. And be on call all the time cause someone quit, thus rendering our plans, well... ineffective. Mmhmm.

In my latest phone-tag (because this was all discussed over voicemails), I asked if this was a "indefinite hold never gonna happen" kind of thing, or a "just on hold for now" kind of thing. No tag back, yet.

I'm still pretty sure I just got shot down.

Also his "boyfriend" or whatever the fuck he is (lol cause he won't TELL me) wants to be my friend on Facebook and I feel AWKWARD about that. I don't want to say yes, I feel bitchy saying no.

This is why I made sure to keep my heart out of it this time. Relatively painless separation. I am disappointed, and I hope that this shiny new friendship thing we got going isn't going to dissolve completely, but goodbye surprising new facet, hello regularly scheduled programming. What. A. Shock.

I'm sooooooo tempted to change my fb status to "Disappointed, but not surprised." I'm going to wait and see if that still sounds like a good idea when it isn't 4:30 in the morning, cause I'd rather not post it and regret it.

I should really sleep now. Have to work at 11.

Nov. 26th, 2009

GIR - abandoned

I was gonna list all the things I'm thankful for... but I ranted instead.

Was sick-ish at work on Wednesday. Went to CA anyway. Being in a mini cooper with 4 dogs, my evil step sister, my mother, and her husband was NOT FUN. I REPEAT. NOT FUN.

But I made it. We arrived at 3:30am. I had time to hop online briefly, then fell dead asleep around 4, 4:30. I was woken up at 10 by Gary calling to wish me a happy thanksgiving, and talk about blah blah blah life stuff. He was SURPRISINGLY OKAY with me trying to drop this semester? So... yeah, I kinda thought we were going to get into a big fight over that, but he said he understood. Awesome sauce.

Then we went TO THE BEACH. BEST 15 MINUTES OF THE DAY. WOO~! I made a couple of calls (on mom's phone, cause mine had died), and then we were whisked off to "dinner" at noon. :/

Yes, dinner at noon. It was a "Champagne Thanksgiving Buffet" at the fancy-schmancy golf course club house. What indeed. I was baffled. It was... okay? I mean, most of the stuff was tasty. The mashed taters were... tasteless. I don't know how people mess up taters, but these ones did. ALSO THERE WAS NO REAL PUNKIN PIE. I'm so glad I had punkin pie at Bridget's earlier in the week. Still.

Rode home with my aunt & uncle & their dog, who is a great big ball of fluffy love, and was not NEARLY as annoying and in my face as the other four. That was much better times. I slept a little, crocheted a lot (in the dark... WITH NO MISTAKES WHAT WHO ROCKS? I ROCK FUCK YES), sang along to the radio with my uncle (lol it runs in the family), and finally ended up at home.

And now I feel sick again, so I don't know what the problem is. I have to close tomorrow, woo-fucking-hoo, an hour later than normal because of the mall's "holiday hours". Like we'll have any customers after 8pm anyway. Fuckers. Ugh I hate tomorrow already.

I think I should lay down and watch some movies/go to sleep. This tummy thing is just stupid. Rawrg.

Nov. 23rd, 2009

QAF - all work

Want your bad romance

You know how sometimes people on your friendslist post about stuff going on in their life, and all of a sudden you think "Wait a minute? Since when were they working THERE? Since when were they dating HIM/HER? Since when???" And then you wonder how you could have missed all that seemingly pretty standard information, but somehow you feel too ashamed to ask for clarification because it seems like info you should already know? It happens to all of us sometimes.

Please copy the topics below, erase my answers and put yours in their place, and then post it in your journal! Please elaborate on the questions that would benefit from elaboration. One-Word-Answers seldom help anyone out.

I want your love and I want your revengeCollapse )


I'm sorry. ;-;

Nov. 21st, 2009

Gaga - poker face

(no subject)


And I sang karaoke at a karaoke bar. IN FRONT OF PEOPLE I DON'T KNOW.



Also my car is still in that parking lot. So um, hopefully my mom can drive me over there tomorrow before work, LOL.


I had fun.

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