Pillaging, Plundering, Looting

My Christmas was bipolar.

I had a fantastic time with my mom whilst playing some insane yet totally "epic sumo ninja matrix ping pong, armpit-catching style" with the fate of the world at stake.

Later I felt like crying cause she is atrocious at gifting, and maybe its ungrateful, but it makes me feel awful when she gives me something that is so not even close to anything I'd ever want. It's dumb and probably bratty as hell, but whatever. I'm over it.

And now I'm hiding at Melody's because mom's stupid husband, his horrible daughter, and his annoying sister have invaded the apartment. >/ I should be crocheting cause I need to give out gifties tomorrow, but I'm tired. Also I'm sick of cupcakes. ;-; WHY DO I HAVE TO MAKE TWO MORE?! So unfair.

Blah, I'm gonna stop complaining and go to bed. Want to wake up and take advantage of sales tomorrow.

I am frustrated because I a) can't find the fiber fill, b) don't want to make any more effing cupcake bottoms, at least not until I can get to JoAnn's and maybe get a better worsted weight for the red velvet ones, c) don't have the right colors for frosting anyway, and d) I'm ansty and want to make stuff, but see a-c. Blargh.

Why is my genius riddled with such drama?! >/ I R DISAPPOINT.

I guess I could start on something else, but ugh, my GENIUS! It's annoying to see it but not be able to work on it.

So instead I'm playing on Facebook. Dissatisfying. :(

Oh, and I'd work on my spinning, but it's hard to do anything that active and concentrate-y with dogs about. Huffffffff.

"What's up? You look like you swallowed a bug or something."

"Well, my friend just died. Car crash. Drunk driver."

*defensive* "I didn't know!"

Well, you should have. "I posted on facebook."

"I haven't been on facebook!"

Yes you were. You replied to my very next post. With, and I quote, "wtf did i miss". "Right, cause you don't have internet anymore."

*quiet* "Um, okay." *turns and starts walking away*

"You didn't have to know, but I'm telling you now." *trying to salvage it*

*ignores*

And then? Then she texted Heather and asked if I'd been snippy with her, too (Heather told me this, along with a "you two should talk soon"). You know what? I'm fucking tired of self-involved assholes who are supposed to be my friends. I was there for her when she was dealing with her sister having cancer (the sister's okay now, just finished chemo about two weeks ago, whew), and when she was dealing with stupid fucking boy drama, and when she needed someone to cry to because she was feeling like everything was her fault. I'm crocheting her a scarf, for crying out loud.

And now I'm being fucking snippy? I'm so mad. And just... fucking tired of catering to her. I like having her as a friend, but I'm not going to apologize for acting like this right now. Maybe some other time, sure, but I think I get some fucking leeway considering the circumstances. Snippy. What the fuck does that even mean?! "My friend is dead." OH SNAP. Bitch just got told? Bullshit.

I'm so angry. And so fucking glad that I don't have to deal with any of that tomorrow. We do work together almost the whole day on Sunday, so I guess we'll just see.

I'm getting my hair done tomorrow at 11 (is that disrespectful? I don't know... grooming shouldn't be considered disrespect for the dead, right?), and then I'm going to the funeral with Professor Swank at 3. Then... I don't know. I'm hoping that I'll have the sense to stay out, not go home and let all this feeling consume me. Maybe go shopping, deal with some of the other crap in my life. I don't know.

( Don't give up on me )

♥
Thank you.

Step 1) take a shower.

Step 2) leave the house.

I can do this.

ETA: Showering was easy. Leaving the house is much harder.

ETA2: I did it. I went to my knitting/crochet group. I didn't talk much, but I crocheted like crazy and listened to lots of old lady gossip. I laughed. I even got dinner at Carl's Jr, cause eating is supposed to be like, one of those things you do regularly, or so I hear. You know.

Anyway.

Thanks for being my cheerleaders, guys. ♥ I needed that.

It's real.

Angela was killed by a drunk driver last night.

I don't even know how that's possible. She was 25.

Holy shit. I don't know how to react, aside from the crying.

I figure it isn't technically rejection unless you feel the urge to consume large quantities of frozen foodstuffs. So far, so good.

Lol I knew it would happen sooner or later anyway, it's better that it was sooner.

Apparently he's going to be working, just... constantly. And be on call all the time cause someone quit, thus rendering our plans, well... ineffective. Mmhmm.

In my latest phone-tag (because this was all discussed over voicemails), I asked if this was a "indefinite hold never gonna happen" kind of thing, or a "just on hold for now" kind of thing. No tag back, yet.

I'm still pretty sure I just got shot down.

Also his "boyfriend" or whatever the fuck he is (lol cause he won't TELL me) wants to be my friend on Facebook and I feel AWKWARD about that. I don't want to say yes, I feel bitchy saying no.

This is why I made sure to keep my heart out of it this time. Relatively painless separation. I am disappointed, and I hope that this shiny new friendship thing we got going isn't going to dissolve completely, but goodbye surprising new facet, hello regularly scheduled programming. What. A. Shock.

I'm sooooooo tempted to change my fb status to "Disappointed, but not surprised." I'm going to wait and see if that still sounds like a good idea when it isn't 4:30 in the morning, cause I'd rather not post it and regret it.

I should really sleep now. Have to work at 11.

Was sick-ish at work on Wednesday. Went to CA anyway. Being in a mini cooper with 4 dogs, my evil step sister, my mother, and her husband was NOT FUN. I REPEAT. NOT FUN.

But I made it. We arrived at 3:30am. I had time to hop online briefly, then fell dead asleep around 4, 4:30. I was woken up at 10 by Gary calling to wish me a happy thanksgiving, and talk about blah blah blah life stuff. He was SURPRISINGLY OKAY with me trying to drop this semester? So... yeah, I kinda thought we were going to get into a big fight over that, but he said he understood. Awesome sauce.

Then we went TO THE BEACH. BEST 15 MINUTES OF THE DAY. WOO~! I made a couple of calls (on mom's phone, cause mine had died), and then we were whisked off to "dinner" at noon. :/

Yes, dinner at noon. It was a "Champagne Thanksgiving Buffet" at the fancy-schmancy golf course club house. What indeed. I was baffled. It was... okay? I mean, most of the stuff was tasty. The mashed taters were... tasteless. I don't know how people mess up taters, but these ones did. ALSO THERE WAS NO REAL PUNKIN PIE. I'm so glad I had punkin pie at Bridget's earlier in the week. Still.

Rode home with my aunt & uncle & their dog, who is a great big ball of fluffy love, and was not NEARLY as annoying and in my face as the other four. That was much better times. I slept a little, crocheted a lot (in the dark... WITH NO MISTAKES WHAT WHO ROCKS? I ROCK FUCK YES), sang along to the radio with my uncle (lol it runs in the family), and finally ended up at home.

And now I feel sick again, so I don't know what the problem is. I have to close tomorrow, woo-fucking-hoo, an hour later than normal because of the mall's "holiday hours". Like we'll have any customers after 8pm anyway. Fuckers. Ugh I hate tomorrow already.

I think I should lay down and watch some movies/go to sleep. This tummy thing is just stupid. Rawrg.

You know how sometimes people on your friendslist post about stuff going on in their life, and all of a sudden you think "Wait a minute? Since when were they working THERE? Since when were they dating HIM/HER? Since when???" And then you wonder how you could have missed all that seemingly pretty standard information, but somehow you feel too ashamed to ask for clarification because it seems like info you should already know? It happens to all of us sometimes.

Please copy the topics below, erase my answers and put yours in their place, and then post it in your journal! Please elaborate on the questions that would benefit from elaboration. One-Word-Answers seldom help anyone out.

( I want your love and I want your revenge )

I AM A DOUCHEBAG AND FORGOT LISA. WTF IS WRONG WITH ME?! WE WENT OUT TO VISIT LISA AT MIT FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. I'M SORRY LISA MY BRAIN IS LIKE, COMPLETELY INCAPABLE OF COMMON MEMORY THINGS AND I AM AN ASSHAT.

I'm sorry. ;-;

I THINK YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT I AM DRUNK.

And I sang karaoke at a karaoke bar. IN FRONT OF PEOPLE I DON'T KNOW.

YEAH.

THAT IS ALL.

Also my car is still in that parking lot. So um, hopefully my mom can drive me over there tomorrow before work, LOL.

DRUNK DRUNK DRUNK me.








I had fun.

I hate my fucking university right now.

( Apparently my mid-life crisis is starting at 22 )

For those of you not on my facebook, here's what I've been working on in the past week or so.

( Coraline Wristers prototype )

That is why I haven't been online much. Because apparently the need to crochet is strong in this one. Anger/frustration/depresson issues = new gloves?

Also, um. I'm on Etsy. Wtf.

What interwebs? I'm not on the interwebs.

Although making this baby blanket and reading about Sami being all freaking preggers again is making my maternal instinct go way up. Wtf, I never wanted babies! I want babies. Does that make me a bad feminist? D:

And I came up with perfect names, so I need to write them down. And subject you all to them. Now.

Delilah Dawn, because I like alliteration and it sounds pretty. I don't care that it sort of sounds pretentious. >>;;

And I have two boy names: Tristan and Toby. I'm thinking Lloyd as the middle name for either, because that was my poppa's name, and if I have a son, I want him to have it. Tobias Lloyd sounds better to me for some reason. That leaves Tristan without a middle name, but I have time to think on it.

( And then there was the writing without filter. )

What the fuck, I wanted to write about baby names.

Because Matthew Shepard Can't, & I Can - THAT'S why.



Also: I should not ignore rumbling tummy to be on computer. :/ at me.

I'm fucking devastated.

My Borders is closing. I got a call from Doreen about 45 minutes ago. I've been sobbing off and on ever since.

I feel like I've been stabbed in the gut. I love my store. I love the people I work with. I've never loved a job this much. And I really thought that I'd have it for longer than a year and a half.

They're going to try to place me, but I'm spoiled after working for such an amazing manager, I don't know how well I'll adjust to some corporate monkey asshole. But I love working with books. It's such a stupid little box that I'm trapped in.

God, I don't want to do this again. I thought I wouldn't have to do this "Oh shit where's my next paycheck coming from" shit again. FUCK FUCK FUCK.

I FUCKING HATE NOVEMBER. Every time this month starts looking halfway decent, I get reminded just how much I fucking hate it.

Fuck this month. Fuck this year. I hate everything right now.

I've been watching the Maine "No on 1" live feed all evening.

I mean, I knew that this mattered to me, but holy shit, I didn't realize how much it matters to me. I've been ecstatic, downright depressed, and god damn it I wish I could do something about it.

/back to crocheting furiously while trying to keep blood pressure down.

ETA: GODMUTHERFUCKINGDAMMIT. I'm so angry right now.

UGH.

( Meme to get my mind onto ANYTHING else )

WHY AM I DOING THIS OH GOD WHY.


Shit I need to get started.

And I was trying to avoid being on lj today so I could actually get some sleep. :/

Roleplay Love Meme