Pillaging, Plundering, Looting

Happy Birthday to me, I think I'm getting a new tattoo today as long as I like the artwork, omfg. Yay!

"What do you think life is? Life is a series of moments, defined by our emotions. When you look back at your life, do you think you'll remember the times when you were just... competent? When you were just... feeling nothing? No. You'll remember the emotions. And you'll never truly live if you don't open yourself up to them. Of course they're inconvenient. So is life, honey. It's messy and wrong and ugly and perfect. And if you don't go through the pain and suffering and frustration, you'll never get to that perfect point of being alive." - Zac

And now on to humor:

yaoibanshee: YOU DEFILED THE MEMORY OF JEREMY DIDN'T YOU?

liquidmirror: YES
liquidmirror: LOTS
liquidmirror: :D
liquidmirror: okay
liquidmirror: not lots
liquidmirror: but still
liquidmirror: there was defiling
liquidmirror: i mean
liquidmirror: we sort of drew a mustache on it
liquidmirror: and maybe a funny hat
liquidmirror: but we didn't like, burn it or anything
liquidmirror: and the hat was flattering

Tomorrow is probably going to suck. A lot.


I want to get really rather drunk in anticipation of that. And watch movies with unlikely yet happy endings. I don't have to work until 2 tomorrow, I can so get away with the drinking thing if I start now.

My Christmas was bipolar.

I had a fantastic time with my mom whilst playing some insane yet totally "epic sumo ninja matrix ping pong, armpit-catching style" with the fate of the world at stake.

Later I felt like crying cause she is atrocious at gifting, and maybe its ungrateful, but it makes me feel awful when she gives me something that is so not even close to anything I'd ever want. It's dumb and probably bratty as hell, but whatever. I'm over it.

And now I'm hiding at Melody's because mom's stupid husband, his horrible daughter, and his annoying sister have invaded the apartment. >/ I should be crocheting cause I need to give out gifties tomorrow, but I'm tired. Also I'm sick of cupcakes. ;-; WHY DO I HAVE TO MAKE TWO MORE?! So unfair.

Blah, I'm gonna stop complaining and go to bed. Want to wake up and take advantage of sales tomorrow.

I am frustrated because I a) can't find the fiber fill, b) don't want to make any more effing cupcake bottoms, at least not until I can get to JoAnn's and maybe get a better worsted weight for the red velvet ones, c) don't have the right colors for frosting anyway, and d) I'm ansty and want to make stuff, but see a-c. Blargh.

Why is my genius riddled with such drama?! >/ I R DISAPPOINT.

I guess I could start on something else, but ugh, my GENIUS! It's annoying to see it but not be able to work on it.

So instead I'm playing on Facebook. Dissatisfying. :(

Oh, and I'd work on my spinning, but it's hard to do anything that active and concentrate-y with dogs about. Huffffffff.

"What's up? You look like you swallowed a bug or something."

"Well, my friend just died. Car crash. Drunk driver."

*defensive* "I didn't know!"

Well, you should have. "I posted on facebook."

"I haven't been on facebook!"

Yes you were. You replied to my very next post. With, and I quote, "wtf did i miss". "Right, cause you don't have internet anymore."

*quiet* "Um, okay." *turns and starts walking away*

"You didn't have to know, but I'm telling you now." *trying to salvage it*

*ignores*

And then? Then she texted Heather and asked if I'd been snippy with her, too (Heather told me this, along with a "you two should talk soon"). You know what? I'm fucking tired of self-involved assholes who are supposed to be my friends. I was there for her when she was dealing with her sister having cancer (the sister's okay now, just finished chemo about two weeks ago, whew), and when she was dealing with stupid fucking boy drama, and when she needed someone to cry to because she was feeling like everything was her fault. I'm crocheting her a scarf, for crying out loud.

And now I'm being fucking snippy? I'm so mad. And just... fucking tired of catering to her. I like having her as a friend, but I'm not going to apologize for acting like this right now. Maybe some other time, sure, but I think I get some fucking leeway considering the circumstances. Snippy. What the fuck does that even mean?! "My friend is dead." OH SNAP. Bitch just got told? Bullshit.

I'm so angry. And so fucking glad that I don't have to deal with any of that tomorrow. We do work together almost the whole day on Sunday, so I guess we'll just see.

I'm getting my hair done tomorrow at 11 (is that disrespectful? I don't know... grooming shouldn't be considered disrespect for the dead, right?), and then I'm going to the funeral with Professor Swank at 3. Then... I don't know. I'm hoping that I'll have the sense to stay out, not go home and let all this feeling consume me. Maybe go shopping, deal with some of the other crap in my life. I don't know.

( Don't give up on me )

♥
Thank you.

Step 1) take a shower.

Step 2) leave the house.

I can do this.

ETA: Showering was easy. Leaving the house is much harder.

ETA2: I did it. I went to my knitting/crochet group. I didn't talk much, but I crocheted like crazy and listened to lots of old lady gossip. I laughed. I even got dinner at Carl's Jr, cause eating is supposed to be like, one of those things you do regularly, or so I hear. You know.

Anyway.

Thanks for being my cheerleaders, guys. ♥ I needed that.

It's real.

Angela was killed by a drunk driver last night.

I don't even know how that's possible. She was 25.

Holy shit. I don't know how to react, aside from the crying.